help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize