i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
