dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
