I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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