May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
