I'm going to jail i love you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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