ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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