The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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