And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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