just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
