Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
