Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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