pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
