There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
