Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
