i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
