I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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