oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
