I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
