OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
