well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
