Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she looked like the before picture.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize