Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He has the fingertips of a God
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
