47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
