Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
