Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
