will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Pooping to opera.
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