im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
