My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize