Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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