Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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