my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
