That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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