I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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