I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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