A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
