is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize