I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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