I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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