scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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