you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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