It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
