I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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