I need help removing her.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
