I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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