Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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