So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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