and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
