Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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