he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
