I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
