I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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