i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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