One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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