I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
