We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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