She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
