I just threw up on my dentist
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize