All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize