There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
