These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
