I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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