I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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