I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
