Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
