I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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