i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize