If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
