They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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