hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
