Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
