look no pants
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
