Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
