I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well you can't waste a boner
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
