ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
