Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
